Gundam Wing and Saturday Night Live?
by LaBeck
Summary: Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei host Saturday Night Live! Plus, a sneak preview for the sequel to my story


(Scene begins in Duo's room. He's typing on his computer and looking stuff up on the internet.)  
  
Duo: "So, are you and Relena going out?"  
  
Heero: "No, just shut the hell up or I'll shoot you."  
  
Duo: "Jeez, okay okay!"  
  
(Crowd laughs)  
  
(Seconds later, Duo screams like a girl)  
  
Heero: "What is it!?"  
  
Duo: "It's...it's live from New York, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"  
  
(crowd applauses as the theme song begins)  
  
Hosts: The five Gundam Pilots!  
  
Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, the G-Boys!"  
  
(crowd applauses as Heero, Duo, WuFei, Trowa, and Quatre enter the stage. They all wave)  
  
Duo: "Hey wassup!!"  
  
Crowd: "Wassup!!!"  
  
(as soon as the clapping stops, they begin their introduction)  
  
Quatre: "Thank you all so much. It's a pleasure to host Saturday Night Live with my comrades..."  
  
Trowa: "......"  
  
Duo: "We're going to have a hell of a show tonight! Hope you enjoy it!"  
  
Heero: "Yeah..."  
  
Wufei: "Look at all of the weaklings! Look at all of the worthless WOMEN! I can't stand them! They are so weak and they make no sense!"  
  
(As Wufei is starting his speech, a tall, muscular women sneaks up behind Wufei, who is half her height. Her arms are the size of fire hydrants. Crowd begins to laugh)  
  
Wufei: "They are nothing compared to me!"  
  
(more laughter)  
  
Wufei: "They're all a bunch of WEAKLI--ARRGGH!"  
  
(the women grabs Wufei around the neck and starts beating the crap out of him. Everyone is laughing)  
  
Heero: "Okay folks stay tuned after these messages!"  
  
(Commercials begin)  
  
(Commercials end)  
  
(JEOPARDY! flashes on the screen as the crowd begins to clap. Will Ferral stands at the podium, dressed as Alex Trebek. Next to him are the three candidates: Colin Quinn as Sean Connery, Heero's hair is combed down, and he is David Duchovny. Wufei is dressed like Jackie Chan)  
  
Alex: "Hello and welcome to Double Jeopardy! Here are our cantestants! With $0, Jackie Chan!"  
  
(Jackie Chan waves smiling)  
  
Alex: "And with -$300 we have David Duchovny!"  
  
(David waves)  
  
Alex: "And, with -$3,400 we have Sean Connery!"  
  
(Sean stands there)  
  
Alex: "You dare to insult me Mr. Trebek, I shall remove your head!"  
  
(Crowd laughs)  
  
Alex: "Okay, here are the Categories: Your Name, Lovely Books, English Language, Words that end with "Amburger" (I'm sorry I just love that one!), and Where you Live."  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Alex: "Mr. Connery since you are way behind, you can go first."  
  
Sean: "Ha! This IS my lucky day! I want 'Lovely Boobs' for $400."  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Alex: "Er, it's Lovely BOOKS, not Boobs Mr. Connery."  
  
(The $400 slides up, revealing the question)  
  
Alex: "Okay, the book is called 'Fallen Leaves', what is the name of the book?"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Sean: "Ski Masks!"  
  
BEEP!  
  
Alex: "No you are incorrect!"  
  
(David, who is really Heero, presses the button)  
  
BEEP!  
  
Alex: "David do you know the answer?"  
  
(Heero lowers his voice to sound like David's)  
  
David: "It's called, um, what does that say again?"  
  
Alex: "Fallen Leaves! Please just say Fallen Leaves!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
David: "Omea o korosu!"  
  
Alex: "Um, no Mr. Duchovny that is NOT correct."  
  
David: "Damn."  
  
Alex: "Mr. Chan, it's up to you..."  
  
Chan: "You're WEAK!"  
  
Alex: "Okay next question...Mr. Duchovny, pick, no how about I pick it for you. Okay, 'Your Name' for $400. Here's the question: 'What is your name'?"  
  
(Heero scratches his head)  
  
David: "Ummmm..."  
  
Alex: "Your name is David Duchovny, so please, please, PLEASE say David Duchovny."  
  
David: "Well um.."  
  
BEEP!  
  
Alex: "Time is up. Okay let's just go to Final Jeopardy!"  
  
('Final Jeopardy' flashes on the screen)  
  
Alex: "Okay, now write down ANY type of animal. For example, a cat, a dog, a human being who actually has a brain!"  
  
(The three celebrities quickly write down their answers. Alex approaches Sean and stands next to him)  
  
Alex: "Okay, type of animal. Let's see what Sean Connery wrote down."  
  
(blue screen flashes, revealing his answer)  
  
Alex: "'Go To Hell', no Mr. Connery that is definitely NOT an animal."  
  
(he moves to David, and reads his answer)  
  
Alex: "'Omea o korosu', no that is not an animal either..."  
  
(Alex moves to Jackie Chan)  
  
Alex: "I am not even going to bother to read your answer becuase it's probably wrong!"  
  
Jackie: "Damn weakling!"  
  
Alex: "And I assume that is what you wrote down?"  
  
Jackie: "Um...yeah..."  
  
Alex: "Okay I believe that is enough for tonight. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go home and slit my throat."  
  
(crowd laughs as skit ends)  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Another skit begins, Heero and Duo are sitting down wearing suits with a cup of coffee in their hands. A waiter, who is Quatre, approaches them)  
  
Quatre: "Hi I am your waiter for this evening, what would you like?"  
  
Heero: "Ah, yes, I would like Prime Rib if you don't mind. Well done."  
  
Quatre(writing down the order): "Okay, Prime Rib, rare."  
  
Heero: "I said Well done!"  
  
Quatre: "Medium? Ah yes silly me."  
  
Heero: "I said well done, damn it!"  
  
Quatre: "What would you like sir?"  
  
Duo: "Oh me? I guess I want a rare cheeseburger. Nice and pink!"  
  
Quatre(writing down the order): "Cheeseburger...well done..."  
  
Duo: "No I want it rare."  
  
Quatre: "Medium? Okay..."  
  
Duo: "No I said rare."  
  
Quatre: "What would you guys like to drink?"  
  
Heero: "I said I want my Prime Rib Well Done!"  
  
Quatre: "Sir please tell me what beverage you want."  
  
Heero: "Coke I guess."  
  
Quatre: "Beer? Nice choice..."  
  
Heero: "I said Coke!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Quatre: "Oh, you want a Diet Coke! Hahaha, I'm so silly today."  
  
Heero: "I don't want diet, I want regular!"  
  
Quatre: "And you, sir?"  
  
Duo: "I'd like some wine!"  
  
Quatre: "Pepsi? Another nice choice..."  
  
Duo: "No I want wine!!!"  
  
Quatre: "I'll be back with your beverages soon."  
  
Heero: "I want a well done prime rib!!!"  
  
Duo: "Stupid bastard!"  
  
Heero(stands up): "That's it! I'm reporting this to the manager!"  
  
Duo: "I'm with you all the way buddy!"  
  
(Heero and Duo walk up to the manager who is walking around, who is Trowa)  
  
Heero: "Sir are you the manager?"  
  
Trowa: (nods)  
  
Heero: "Okay we have this really stupid waiter who is writing down the complete opposite of what we want! This keeps up and you're sure to run out of business!"  
  
Trowa: "........"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Duo: "We would appreciate it if you fixed the problem..."  
  
Trowa: "......."  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Heero: "Hello!"  
  
(Heero waves his hand over Trowa's face, Trowa just stares at him)  
  
Heero: "Are you deaf or something?! HELLO CAN YOU READ MY LIPS!?"  
  
Trowa: "........"  
  
Duo(starts talking slow so he can read his lips, little does he know, Trowa isn't deaf, just a little quiet): "Hel-lo, my name is Du-o. I woul-d appre-ci-ate it if you fi-red the wai-ter who is caus-ing us so muc-h trou-ble."  
  
Trowa: "......"  
  
Heero: "What the [bleep] is wrong with you?! You're such a [bllllleeeeepppp] [bleeeppppp] [bleeeeeeppppp]!!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Trowa: "......."  
  
Heero: "[Bleep] this! Come on Duo let's go somewhere else!"  
  
(Heero and Duo leave. Suddenly, Wufei appraoches Trowa)  
  
Wufei: "Excuse me are you the manager?"  
  
Trowa: (nods)  
  
Wufei: "Some idiotic weakling is not meeting my demands! I ask for the strongest beer they have and the waiter brings me lemonade! I DEMAND JUSTICE!"  
  
Trowa: "........"  
  
(crowd laughs as the skit ends)  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
(Commercials begin)  
  
(Commercials end)  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
(Scene begins in a forest, when the narrator begins to speak)  
  
Narrator: "On the last episode of Dragonball Z, Vegeta and Goku go shopping. Luckily for Vegeta, he found a cute teddy bear and bought it..."  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Narrator: "and now the story beings..."  
  
(Wufei comes onto the screen wearing spandex with a wild wig on, he is Vegeta)  
  
Vegeta: "Kakkaroto!"  
  
(Duo comes onto the screen wearing baggy orange pants and shirt, he is also wearing a wild wig. He is Goku)  
  
Goku: "What is it Vegeta!?"  
  
Vegeta: (pauses) "I lost my teddy bear!"  
  
Goku: "WHAT? You did? Oh no I'm sorry Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta: "No don't lose hope, Kakkaroto! Justice will be served! I shall go and find my poor Simon!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Goku: "Who's Simon?"  
  
Vegeta: "My teddy bear.."  
  
Goku: "Oh."  
  
Narrator: "And so our heroes go to find the lost teddy bear. They go and question everyone they know...."  
  
(Goku approached Piccolo, who is Heero. Heero is dressed in a purple suit with a white turban and cape, his face and body are painted green)  
  
Goku: "Piccolo where were you at five o'clock last night?"  
  
Piccolo: "I was....uh...."  
  
Goku: "You stole Simon didn't you?"  
  
Piccolo: "Who's Simon?"  
  
Goku: "Vegeta's teddy bear..."  
  
Piccolo: "Vegeta has a teddy bear?"   
  
(Piccolo rolls on the ground laughing)  
  
Vegeta: "Silence, you weakling! Justice shall be served this very second! I will avenge Simon!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Narrator: "Is it Piccolo? Is Piccolo the one who stole Vegeta's teddy bear? Find out on the next exciting episode of Dragonball Z!"  
  
(crowds applauses as skit ends)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Trowa and Wufei are sitting on a comfortable couch, with 'The Trowa and Wufei Show' flashing in the background.)  
  
Trowa: "Hi my name is Trowa and this is Wufei..."  
  
Wufei: "No weaklings are allowed to watch this show!"  
  
Trowa: "Oh for God's sake...."  
  
Wufei: "Silence, you ingrate!"  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Trowa: "Anyway, we have a very special guest today. Let's welcome Quatre!"  
  
(crowd applauses as Quatre approaches them. He's wearing a black leather jacket with a skull in the back. Quatre has dangly earrings and is smoking a ciggarette. He sits down next to them)  
  
Quatre: "Yo Yo what up hommie G's?"  
  
Trowa: *sweatdrop*  
  
Wufei: "So Quatre, why are you here?"  
  
Quatre: "Cause you and yo badass hommie wanted me here."  
  
Wufei: "Oh."  
  
Trowa: "Quatre, what's up with that punk look?"  
  
Quatre: "Shut up motha! I dress like dis cause I feel like it! I dig da new me yo! If you don't dig it, tough [bleep]!"  
  
Trowa and Wufei: "Uh...."  
  
(Quatre takes a big puff of his cegarette and chucks it on Trowa's lap)  
  
Trowa: "Argh! Hot! Hot!"  
  
Wufei: "Weakling! Screaming over a little hot cigarette?"  
  
(Trowa grabs the still-burning cegarette and throws it on Wufei's lap)  
  
Wufei: "Ahhhhhhh!!"  
  
Quatre: (laughing) "Sikes!"  
  
(After throwing the cegaretter out, Wufei gives Quatre a dirty look)  
  
Quatre: "Wanna fight?!"  
  
Wufei: "On'y weaklings would decline a challenge like that!"   
  
(Quatre and Wufei rush at eachother.)  
  
BAM!  
  
Trowa: "Ouch...."  
  
KAPOW!!  
  
(Trowa winces)  
  
OUCH!  
  
(Trowa closes his eyes)  
  
PUNCH!  
  
Trowa: "Oh my..."  
  
KICK!  
  
Trowa: "Oh I heard that one!"  
  
Voice: "Ahhhhhhhh you hit me in the groin you bastard!"  
  
Trowa: "Oh Christ!"  
  
BAM! KAPOW! KICK! PUNCH! DOUBLE WAMMY!  
  
Trowa opens his eyes to find Wufei on the ground unconscious, with Quatre holding his fists up, ready for more.  
  
Trowa: "Whoever got kicked in the bills can forget about having kids..."  
  
(crowd laughs)  
  
Quatre: "See? Dats what happens when you diss me!"  
  
(Qautre spits on Wufei and storms off)  
  
Trowa: "Wufei?"  
  
(One of the staff members hands Trowa a stick. Trowa begins to poke Wufei with it. He doesn't move)  
  
Trowa: "Oh dear this can't be good."  
  
(Trowa pokes him some more. Crowd laughs)  
  
Trowa: "Um, well I think that's it for tonight. Stay tuned for our next episode..."  
  
(Applause as skit ends)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero: "Well we hope you enjoyed this wonderful episode of Saturday Night Live!"  
  
Quatre: "God bless you all!"  
  
Duo: "Don't worry, we did such a great job that we'll host SNL yet again, this time with Milliardo Peacecraft, Relena, and oh my-Teize!"  
  
Trowa: "Um...bye!"  
  
Wufei: "I feel sick..."  
  
Quatre: "I'm sorry Wufei, I didn't mean to kick you that hard!"  
  
Wufei: "I'm going to kill you..."  
  
(crowd cheers as the credits roll up)  
  
Yes, I will be doing another of the Gundam Wing cast hosting SNL, and it'll be longer too! Well bye! Oh by the way, here's a preview for "Revenge is Sweet", the sequel to my story "A Cry For Help". Enjoy.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
DBZ Universe. The Evil Clones Headquarters...  
  
Evil Heero's dead body laid there, still. His body was surrounded by blood. Suddenly, it stirred. His eyes opened.  
  
"Heero Yuy," he whispered, his eyes glew red. Half of his face was blown off, revealing the metallic substance underneath. He sat up, and grabbed at his face, ripping the skin off, revealing his robotic face.  
  
"I'm not that easy to kill," he whispered, "Neither are my comrades."  
  
Next to him, his fallen comrades also got up, they were also androids.  
  
Heero grabbed his gun, his fingers tightened around it, causing the gun to shatter.  
  
"Heero," he whispered, "Omea o korosu."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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